Miscellaneous Comedy Scrawlings
During my nearly 4 years at eBaum's World--3 of which as head writer--I rebuilt the eBaum's World brand into a powerhouse of original content and ushered in the site's greatest traffic growth in a decade. I've also written comedy for The Onion, ABC, MSN, Starbucks, TED Talks, Frito-Lay, Hitachi, and many more. I've given a speech at the International Society for Humor Studies and am a master's degree laureate of Communication Studies (specializing in comedy). Maybe that's why my sense of humor is a razor-sharp sword that explodes on contact because it's also a grenade. Here are some writing examples in various comedy genres and voices ranging from satire to absurd; low-brow fart jokes to urbane fart jokes.

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The Impossible Escape from the Pit of the Guilty
This medieval video game level begins after a peasant has already lost. Is it possible for a doomed man accomplish THE IMPOSSIBLE?? By definition, no. But we'll see if this description was misleading or something.
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The Juggalo Reproductive Cycle: an Overview
(NOTE: A recent eBaum's World redesign stripped the apostrophes from many older blogs, including this one.)
1. Fertilization and Conception: The male juggalo and female juggalo recognize each other's traditional, mating face paint at an Insane Clown Posse concert. Both parties become overwhelmed...
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expendables-2
Expendables 2
Watching The Expendables 2 trailer is like jumping off a cliff and having every action movie you ever saw start flashing before your eyes. There are explosions, car chases, and I haven't seen this many people die in a trailer since that time I crashed my trailer...
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dad-guide
Awesome Father's Day Gift Guide For an Okay Dad
Where would you be without your dad? in a very old tampon, that’s where. So you owe him. He let you spit-up food onto his shoulder when you were a baby and again this year after Cinco de Mayo...
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Suey Park’s Absurd and Hostile Huff Post Live Interview about #CancelColbert
“Satire” Google Definition: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices...
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eBaum's World Categories
As head writer at eBaum's World, I decided category descriptions should not be boring. Keep in mind that these descriptions were written for our hardcore users, who we lovingly refer to as "a bunch of crass assholes..."
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gun-mug
"Oh Crap It's Father's Day" Gifts
Don't disappoint your dad again this Father's Day with a lame-ass last-minute gift. Order one of these awesome last-minute gifts that tells your dad, "Hey, I'm not a loser: I have a credit card and an internet connection!"
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butt-vs-boobs
Why Butts Are Better Than Boobs
Let's end this discussion, once and for all. Reason 1: Butts are shaped kind of like boobs. Why bother with a wack impression of a butt when you can get the real deal just 1.5 feet down and on the other side of the torso?
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bath-salts
Bath Salts: Hilarious New Cause of Tragedy
Bath Salts were the new face-eating drug craze sweeping the nation in 2012. After Rudy Eugene went all Hometown Buffet on that one dude, other people figured it must be great...
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colorblind
NES games that Nintendidn't pass the concept phase
Written by Jesse Fernandez, Jesse Elias, and Miles K.
After days of painstaking internet research, 8-bit archaeologists from Japan have unearthed several NES titles stricken from public memory. So frustrating and disorienting are these titles that only...
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glasses-cool
Level Up Your Cool Sh*t
Written by Jesse Fernandez, Jesse Elias, and Miles K.
Pixelated 8-Bit Black Sunglasses: Hot chicks will see you in these shades and wonder why real life is suddenly running at 8-bit capacity. You'll slide the glasses over...
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undead-octopus
Plants You’ve Never Seen Before
Welwitschia Mirabilis: This plant can live up to 1,500 years, needing only the moisture from dew to survive and look like a perfectly healthy undead octopus...
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Mature Section Going Away
Bad news: The mature section of eBaum's World is going away. We're sorry to everyone for whom this section had become a weird community of people uploading content to give each other boners...
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