My Scrawlings I've been a professional writer for a decade, was an original content creator on-staff at eBaum's World for about 4 years--3 of which as head writer--and I've had the pleasure of writing for ABC, MSN, Starbucks, TED Talks, Frito-Lay, Hitachi, and many others. Here are just a few of my sparkling gems, ranging from comedic to serious and from opulent to essential--presented so that you might laugh, be wonderstruck, think, and feel.


I wrote headlines in the Onion, Inc. like, "Do You Beliebe 9/11 Was An Inside Job?" and other headlines that are somehow even dumber.


The Juggalo Reproductive Cycle: an Overview
(NOTE: A recent eBaum's World redesign stripped the apostrophes from many older blogs, including this one.)
1. Fertilization and Conception: The male juggalo and female juggalo recognize each other's traditional, mating face paint at an Insane Clown Posse concert. Both parties become overwhelmed by a rudimentary form of love, and on the occasion that neither juggalo confuses that feeling with rage, the female becomes pregnant during their next Faygo-blackout.


Terrifying Lake Turns Birds Into Statues
Lake Natron is an insidious ‚Äčtrap for the birds of northern Tanzania: The terrifying lake turns to stone all birds that are foolish enough to immerse themselves or unlucky enough to fall into its deceptive water.