Level Up Your Cool Stuff
The Amazon links are all affiliate links, so I’d theoretically get a little money if anyone ever bought something from this list, which would be surprising given the descriptions I wrote.
Women will see these shades on your face, and they’ll wonder how 8-bit capacity got so sexy. Then you’ll briefly freak out because you forgot the white spots are built into the glasses. But damned if you won’t look cool as you flail your arm at nothing in particular.
Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter? Mac or PC? Scorpion or Sub Zero? If you gave the correct one of eight possible answer combinations, you will enjoy this Sub Zero Macbook sticker. Let’s just hope it doesn’t cause the computer to freeze, jk lol.
That’s right noble wizard, Mana Potion is now available for your earthly digestive system. The arcane sanctuary of your matriarch’s basement isn’t complete without this mystic energy brew that one reviewer described as tasing like “burned, blueberry pancakes.”
Relive fond memories of chewing on your NES controller, only this time without the neighbor kid calling you weird for doing it. Make two choco-controllers and enjoy one with a friend. Or hold the second controller with your foot because you are an only child trying to do the Mega Man 3 invincibility glitch.
All those stuffed shirts at the opera are going to be wobbling their turkey necks in outrage when they get a load of these babies. They’ll ask, “classical guitar cufflinks? Uncouth.” And then you’ll tell them, “Guitar HERO Cufflinks,” then you’ll perfectly strum Stairway To Heaven on air guitar, and then their brains will blow straight out of their goddamn powdered wigs.
Did you know the ocarina is an ancient instrument that’s been around for 12,000 years? Big effin’ deal. The important thing is that now you can buy something that looks like an item from a Zelda game! Who knows, you might even learn how to play it (yeah right, lol).
Check out these great Portal-themed bookends! But be warned: These bookends function solely as bookends and not as real portals. Running through one of them will only knock your books off the shelf.
Be like Mario and enjoy some coin-shaped candies straight from the item box. To remove candies from the container, head-butt the bottom of the box from below. Don’t worry about your personal safety because you might get an extra life.
Finally, an answer to the age-old question: “Why won’t this goddamn ice look like Mario?” Your guests will be delighted after you force them to notice the difference between cubes and these vaguely jagged shapes.