Oh, hello there. I see you were curious for a little bit of…
Something Different
You wanted it. You begged for it.
You clicked on it.
…And now.
Here’s something different.
(Cue steamy lighting.)
(Cue silky, smooth jazz.)
(Cue italics.)
That’s better. Different. Good different.
Relax, spread out. This sofa is made of genuine sofa material.
I’ve been icing some very fancy Final Fantasy XII mana potion-themed energy drinks. Help yourself to the …fantasy. Haha, jk, unless?
You might think this is a little weird. But also…
…exciting.
You’re not wrong.
A less adventurous person would have clicked away, but not you. I knew you’d keep scrolling down this page. As a reward, I’ll show you something different and …special.
But let’s not rush it.
Let’s hang out first, chill, get to know each other, keep listening to some alluring ToeJam & Earl tunes. Or listen to whatever YouTube autoplays next, depending on your very sexy YouTube settings and luscious algorithms.
God, I’m so intoxicated by this Final Fantasy XII mana potion-themed energy drink. Or is that energy coming from our conversation? Either way, strong buzz.
Kidding aside, I really feel like we connected back there on the homepage. I found your assertiveness with clicking on stuff really… je ne sais quoi.
Ok, I think we’re comfortable enough for me to show you that special thing.
It’s great.
It’s my special little guy.
…And it’s 100% something different.
Ready?
Here it is:
What do you think? It just showed up the other day. Pretty cool, right?
Pretty hot, right??
The way it twirls its torso tentacle really gets me going…
…with that irresistible, haunting, convincing nose eye… thing.
The way it subconsciously speaks to me…
…so sexy, and…
…inescapably compelling.
—Hey, I was thinking, and not to change the vibe, but do you want to start a cult devoted to this eye-nose guy? That suddenly sounds awesome, right? We can pray to it, grow its strength, and take over the world, or whatever! It’s gonna be so fun, and it feels like it’s what we were always meant to do! I can’t wait! Let’s get out into that cold forest night and start collecting materials to build our shrine to the Great Eye Nose From Beyond! Sounds like a plan! I’ll talk to you later!